Quick Answer: A toxic person—or a toxic relationship dynamic—is one that consistently leaves you feeling like a lesser version of yourself. It isn't necessarily about someone being a “bad” person. Many people are good people who are poor communicators or have unhealthy patterns. What matters is whether the relationship repeatedly drains you, limits your growth, or requires you to continually sacrifice yourself to maintain it.
Toxic People vs. Toxic Patterns
I think the word toxic gets used very loosely today.
Most people are good people. Some are simply bad communicators, have unhealthy habits, or haven't learned how to interact with others in a healthy way.
So, for me, it isn't just about identifying “toxic people.” It's also about recognizing toxic patterns and dynamics we may find ourselves in.
You may love someone deeply and still recognize that the dynamic between you isn't healthy.
When a Relationship Makes You a Lesser Version of Yourself
One of the biggest things I look at is who you become within the relationship.
If you are continually limited to a role of taking care of others who offer very little positive energy exchange in return, eventually that can take a toll.
Are you always giving?
Are you constantly managing someone else's emotions?
Are you expected to make yourself smaller to keep the peace?
Do you feel drained, anxious, irritable, rushed, or uncomfortable around someone consistently?
Most importantly:
Are you becoming a lesser version of who you are in order to maintain the relationship?
When that becomes an ongoing pattern, I believe it can become toxic for your soul.
Not Everyone Will Grow With You
Most of my students are naturally growth-oriented people.
One thing I've learned is that not everyone continues learning and growing at the same pace—or even wants to.
We can't expect other people to keep up with our own level of growth any more than we can expect ourselves to stay at someone else's level simply to keep them happy or remain relatable.
I am very growth-oriented myself. I am a very different person today than I was even five years ago.
I have found in my own life that people who are unwilling to evolve will often eventually leave my life. Sometimes relationships simply no longer fit who we are becoming.
Pay Attention to the People Around You
You've probably heard the idea that we become a reflection of the five people we spend the most time around.
Whether or not you take that literally, I think there is tremendous wisdom in paying attention to the energy, attitudes, beliefs, and habits surrounding you.
Do the people closest to you encourage your growth?
Can they celebrate your successes?
Can you have an opinion that differs from theirs?
Can you change?
Can you become more confident, successful, intuitive, independent, or spiritually aware without the relationship becoming threatened?
Healthy relationships allow room for both people to evolve.
Sometimes Children Outgrow Their Parents
This can become particularly difficult within families.
Sometimes children can teach their parents about the very ways their parents are limited.
I believe each generation should have the opportunity to become wiser and more evolved than the generation before it. Isn't that part of what we should want for our children?
Parents who are unable to recognize this can miss an incredible opportunity—not only to honor the wisdom their children have to offer, but to continue growing themselves.
Being someone's parent doesn't mean you will always know more than they do about every aspect of life.
Sometimes our children become our teachers, too.
Growth Doesn't Require Making Someone Else Wrong
Recognizing that a relationship has become unhealthy doesn't necessarily mean declaring the other person a bad person.
Sometimes two people simply aren't growing in the same direction.
Sometimes boundaries need to change.
Sometimes a relationship needs more space.
And sometimes we recognize that a dynamic we've participated in for years no longer supports the person we're becoming.
You are allowed to grow.
You are allowed to evolve.
And you don't have to remain a lesser version of yourself simply so someone else can remain comfortable with who you used to be.
If you're learning how to better understand and protect your own energy, I teach practical tools for Energy Protection, Energy Hygiene, Reiki, and intuitive development through The Mohr Method of Healing®. Learning to recognize what is yours—and what may be coming from the people and energy around you—can be an important part of becoming more aware of how you feel in different relationships. 🩷
